Ein Mann lässt uns teilhaben an seinen Gedanken, Einsichten und Gefühlen im Angsichts des Todes. Philip Gould (1950 – 2011) umarmte den Tod genauso wie das Leben, nachdem er 2009 die Diagnose von Speiseröhrenkrebs bekam. Das intime Video-Portrait „When I die“ wurde während der letzten zwei Wochen von Philipps Leben gedreht und offenbart seine Suche, den Sinn und Zweck in dem, was er als „The Death Zone“ bezeichnet, zu finden. Er teilt Momente der Freude, der Auflösung und Inspiration genauso intensiv wie die von Angst, Unbehagen und Trauer. Tief beeindrucken und bewegend.
Philip Gould Buch, „Wenn ich sterbe: Lehren aus der Todeszone“ – When I Die wird in Großbritannien von Little Brown veröffentlicht. Der Erlös aus dem Buch an den nationalen Ösophago-Magenkarzinom Fund und das Royal Marsden Cancer Charity Spenden gehen.
Nachfolgend die Abschrift des Textes (in Klammerns deutsche Teilübersetzung) von Astrid, die mir auch diesen Hinweis zukommen lies. Ein ganz dickes Dankeschön.
in 6 weeks time I will be dead. (in 6 Wochen werde ich tot sein)
I will be cremated. Ich werde eingeäschert
I will face huge große fear(Angst) but it is an extraordinary experience.
this is the most exciting aufregend and the most extraordinary journey (Reise) of my life. My only regret (Bedauern) is: it ends. I’d like to be on this journey with you almost forever and a day.
Adrian Steirn, Gesprächsführer:
I was asked to shoot machen an intimate portrait of a man I didn’t know. I knew that he was very ill (krank), but I really wasn’t sure what to expect (erwarten).
It’s only when they say: Philip Gould, you are going to die, get used to it (gewöhnen), – and this is going to happen in weeks, or months. It’s only when that happens that you are aware (bewußt) of death. And only when that happens that also suddenly life screams at you in its intensity.
I saw my children born, I saw them born, and I saw the incredible (unglaublich), massive potential of that moment. And when my father died, and the air left his body, it was as powerful as the air entering the body of my daughters.
And I knew that the purpose (Sinn Absicht) here now was to give as much love as I could to people who mattered wichtig to me even though obwohl I was dying. And my life became wurde death, it gained (gewann) a kind (eine Art) of quality, and a power that it never had before. It entered a new zone, which was the death zone.
Philip, mit Adrian im Auto am handy, auf dem Weg zum Friedhof, zu seinem zukünftigen Grab: „Oh sorry it’s my wife, just one second. – Hi darling, are you okay with all this then darling. It’s lovely, I feel good, it’s gonna be beautiful there, I’m gonna love it.“
Adrian: After an intense, intimate discussion, Philip and I decided to shoot his portrait (Foto) machen at Highgate Cemetary on his own grave Grab.
Only when you accept death – can you free yourself from it,can you deal klar kommen with it, can you move forward from it. So acceptance is the absolute key Schlüssel. At that moment you gain freedom, and you gain power, and you gain courage.
Philip, auf dem Friedhof, auf seinem Grab:
This is it – this going to be..you know..my home , for eternity. I do really feel in my mind…: I’ve reframed neu ausgerichtet (seinen mind) it, I’ve changed it – it’s not some gloomy dunkel ghastly schrecklich threat Bedrohung thing – I just think this is such a wonderful wonderful idea of a community of the living and the dead. I have no fear at all about this, I’m happy about it. I feel a sense, actually, almost of optimism about it, almost looking forward to it as a next stage. And certainly very very comfortable. (Und ich fühle mich auf jeden Fall sehr sehr wohl)
You sort of think sort of: (irgendwie) God I’m scared (hab Angst), I’m a coward (Feigling), I thought I was a coward. I was the kind of kind of guy who was too frightened to kind of go too fast on a bike (Fahrrad) in the evening time.
You think: I can’t do this, I can’t do chemotherapy, it’s too painful, it’s too horrible, but you do it. And then they say , by the way mate (übrigens, Kumpel) you’re not gonna have a stomach (Magen), you’re never gonna eat normally again, ever again. And you kind of kind of irgendwie get used to it. And then you sort of think, actually (eigentlich), every single thing that frieght you is handlebar. You can do it.
And my wife and my children are there for me at this moment. Because I am defining myself now, through death. I’m giving meaning to myself through death. Without that I do not know what I would do. I rely upon them enormously, almost completely, I try and lead them, I try and inspire them, I try show strenghts.
Philip asked me to help convey (überbringen) his message, to help him share with other people what he was going through.
I had a couple einige of really tough hart nights, my breathing (Atmung) was bad, my coughing (Husten) was bad, everything was bad. And Gail (Name seiner Frau) was in a bad state too. And then I just lay there and thought: okay, this is bad, but this is death.
As long as solange I look death in the eye, and as long as I accept that I can choose the death that I seek suche, and the death that I choose, I have some freedom here, I have some power here, I have some possibility to shape formen for myself my own death, and at that moment I have a kind of freedom.
I feel rare selten calm (ruhig), I feel rare rest. I found the experience of the last few weeks to be as good as it’s possible to have an experience to be since I have entered this so-called death zone.
I have had more moments of happiness in the last five months than als perhaps in the last few years – more moments of a kind of private extasy, than really for many years, when I just feel at one with the world.
The thing I’d like to say to my daughters is I love them. And the thing I’d like to say to my wife is I’m sorry I’ve let you down (es tut mir leid daß ich dich enttäuscht habe), but my God you’re fantastic. And I’m not letting you down now. And you will have the best life afterwards I believe.
I love them all, that’s what I wanna say to them.